It’s always difficult to come up with a secret when someone asks me because I’m about as open as an open book could be. I tell everyone everything – sometimes more than they ever cared to know. So when the prompt today for Blogtober14 was “Share a secret about you,” I struggled. So, I’m going with something that I’ve alluded at many, many times, but people may not guess it from me because I try to be super positive and happy as much as possible.
So what’s my secret? I worry about everything.
– Does this person like me?
– Is my friend mad at me?
– I’m overweight and feel like <insert poop emoji>.
– I need another job because I’m broke.
– WHY DOES MY CHEST HURT?! (hypochondria goes back to my last post …)
– I don’t want my family to get seriously ill.
– I can’t afford clothes. Or toothpaste.
– It’s raining, is there going to be a tornado?
– Am I going to be single forever?
It’s honestly ridiculous. I know I’m just riling myself up, which is why this has been something I’ve been working really hard on the past two years and I’ve made significant strides in the right direction. I know a lot of the worrying about body image is a confidence issue that I’ve struggled with forever. In the past, I’ve gotten myself worked up into serious panic attacks (which I haven’t had in a really long time, woo!) and to the point of stress chest pains. STAHHHHP, JESSIE.
I come off as someone that has all of their shi* together, but let me tell you – that’s not always true. I’m definitely a lot better than I used to be and my confidence has changed tenfold. Just ask some of my closest friends – they’ll tell you I’m a completely different person than I was two years ago when I was getting out of a serious relationship and truly having to be “on my own”.
I’ve taken it upon myself the past few years to really think about what’s best for me and take care of me. My confidence has grown and my worrying has gone down. I don’t think it’ll ever go away – I’m just naturally a worrier – but it’s definitely a lot better. I try to remind myself that you only live once (#yolo –> eew why did I just do that) and there’s no use worrying myself into a heart attack for things that just don’t matter. Or, even the things that do matter … to be honest. I’ve been working on this new mantra of taking something in and letting.it.go. Let it bother me for a minute, worry about it for a minute, and then send it on it’s merry way. If it’s something I honestly need to think about (like the money issue), then I make a list of things I’m going to do (or part-time jobs I’m going to apply for).
Whew, so that’s my secret! A little more straight-up realness on the blog today. It can’t always be puppy gifs and funny quotes, right?
Tell me a secret about you! Are any of you out there worriers? What do you do about it?
Want to see more of my post from this challenge?
Day 1: What would you do if you won the lottery?
Day 2: Dream job when you were little/what it is now
Day 3: One thing you can’t live without
Day 4, 5, 6: Favorite Instagram photo, fall bucket list and blogging tips
Day 7: Best Vacation
Day 8: Letter to yourself in 10 years
Day 9: Best or Worst Halloween Memory #TBT
Day 10: I never thought blogging would…
Day 13: Fall Recipe
Day 15: Favorite Quote
Day 16: Fall Fashion
Day 17: Expertise