The Anxiety is Real

I know I’m not the only one out there that suffers from anxiety. Mine comes and goes in waves and is triggered by big things – like flying or moving or breaking up with a boyfriend – but it also comes from me being a crazy worrier. I’ve had multiple panic attacks in my life, but I haven’t had one recently. My most recent one was when I moved from Milwaukee to Green Bay. The actual attack only lasted a few minutes, but the lead-up to it was piling up for days.

big-anxietyYep, that’s me today. 🙂

Worry #1: Ireland

So, let me explain. I’ve basically been worried about this Ireland trip since they first contacted me. First I was worried about the fact that it was real or not (I’m still worried about that, ha). Then I was worried about how I was going to pay for the rest of the trip. Then I was worried about when to go. And now I’m mostly worried that they still haven’t sent me any information on booking the tickets. And about what I’m going to do on the trip… but I can’t start planning anything until I hear about the tickets. Don’t get me wrong, I’m so unbelievably grateful for this trip and will probably cry 10,000 times before/there/after the Ireland trip, but I am also so terrified they’re going to take it away! Pessimism is a devil, I tell you.

Oh. And don’t even get me going on the flight over to Ireland. I’m probably not going until late next year and I’m already worried about the flight. My doctor has already prescribed an anti-anxiety for me so I can get on the plane without a panic attack.

Worry #2: My Health

I’ve been having some random issues with my health lately. Nothing serious, but just stupid things. I went into the doctor for my yearly  exams and my thyroid levels are off again. This explains a lot of issues (tiredness, inability to lose weight, emotional roller coaster, other fun bodily issues that are TMI for right now …) so I’m glad they found out my levels were off before it got super bad this time. Just have to up my dosage and go back in in 6 weeks to check my levels. I also got myself all stressed out last night about a lab result from another exam they did, but then the nurse called me back today to let me know they’re still waiting on my lab results and I read that one wrong. So basically, worrying over nothing – like normal. Which then gives me chest pains, which makes me worry about the fact I have chest pains. IT’S NEVER ENDING!

Worry #3: Money

What else is new, right? I’ve been to the doctor a few times this month and will have to go at least once more in the next month or so, so now I have doctor bills. I also have to pay for my website, Christmas/birthday gifts and still try to pay off another credit card and save for Ireland (which leads back to worry #1 – they’re all connected!). Good thing I’m working two jobs, right? Which leads to #4 …

Worry #4: Work

Working multiple jobs is tough, guys. I’ve been doing it since college, so I like to pretend I’m used to it, but I’m really not. My part-time job put me on five shifts this week, which was not part of our 1-2 days/week agreement. Granted, I need the money, but it’s stressful and exhausting. On Tuesday, I made $7 TOTAL in tips, which was just ridiculous. Last night I made more, but I was the only server on and ran my butt off. I couldn’t clean my tables and luckily I had a manager in the back putting together my food for me, otherwise I would’ve been screwed. And the bartender just stood at his bar, doing nothing. Half the time he didn’t even seat people. *Grumble* But then to make matters worse, for some reason everyone was in a “Let’s only tip 10%!” mood last night so I should’ve made a lot more. Oh well, no need to be greedy. Just a reminder to anyone reading this that servers make $2.33 (ish) and hour and tips are all we have. I mean, if they’re a bad server, I get it. But my service was good last night, I had a manager helping me and I was obviously busting my butt. It’s sad that someone could leave a completely filthy table behind with a $75 bill and only give me a $8 tip. That’s honestly just unacceptable. So by the time I got home I was hungry, dehydrated and exhausted from running around. I collapsed on the couch and didn’t move until I fell asleep. Sometimes I wonder if it’s worth it!

So, what am I doing about it?

I could feel all the anxiety crushing me today and I felt myself on the verge of a panic attack. For me, if I let things pile up and up and up, I finally pour over and that’s usually when an attack happens. Luckily I know my signs and did a few things to wind myself down. Here are a few things that work for me.

– Talking to my friends that understand my anxiety and can talk me through it. A lot of times I just need to get it out and I calm down.
– If I’m able to, I like to try to hit my anxiety head on. For instance, if I don’t know the end result, I tend to make up scenarios that scare me. So this morning I made sure to call my doctor right away to find out what my test results meant so that I could stop making up reasons on my own.
– I’m going to try to do at least one Calm.com exercise today either during lunch or after work late, late tonight. It really works!
– I’m looking into taking yoga
– Cutting back on the soda intake. Caffeine just ups the anxiety, I think.
– Writing this blog
– I pray, asking for strength to get me through these anxious feelings
– Listening to Christmas music always helps. 😉

Loving_kittens_with_social_anxiety

Here’s hoping that I can take some time to unwind this weekend. Tomorrow I’m headed home to go Christmas tree hunting with my sister and dad, which will be amazing. I work tonight and Sunday, but I need to wipe/send out my old iPhone I just sold on ebay (!!) and figure out some time to workout/meal prep! That’s seriously been lacking lately.

Do any of you have anxiety? What do you do to combat it?

4 comments

  1. Katie says:

    YOGA!!!! For reals. It doesn’t matter what kind of class it is, just get in to whatever you can. Tell the instructor you’ve got some stress and are just going to take it easy, that way they don’t try to be “helpful” and push you into something you’re not ready for. Slightly easier though colder would be taking 20-30 minute walks when you can. I like to set my alarm for half that time, so I walk until the alarm goes off, and then I turn around. Or, if you feel good now that you’re out of the house, go a little further and feel like a bad ass.
    Katie recently posted…St. Paul Turkey Trot 10k 2014My Profile

  2. Jenny says:

    I just downloaded the app She Reads the Truth, it’s a daily women’s devotional and also a blog. I really like it, it puts things in perspective and is super relatable. Also, breathe. It’ll all be fine, probably within the next couple weeks. =) see you tomorrow!

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