I don’t know about all you serious workout-aholics out there, but I hate working out. Like, legitimately have to make ultimatums with myself to con myself into working out. It’s like I’m working with a three-year-old every time I decide I need to start.
I’ve been told about 10,000 million (I don’t exaggerate much) times that “once you find a workout that you enjoy, you’ll love working out.”
Maybe that’s true, maybe it isn’t. I like Spin. I like Body Pump. I like Insanity. I like Tone It Up workouts.
I still hate working out and have to force myself to do it.
And no, I’m not one of those people that just can “Imagine how you feel once you’re done – you’ll be so happy!”
Girl, I can’t even remember what I ate for lunch yesterday. How do you expect me to make myself remember how great I feel after a workout?
So, last night
after eating two Skinny Cow ice cream sandwiches I decided that today (Wednesday) was going to be the day that I was going to start an early morning workout and go to Spin at my gym. Here’s how it went down.
6 p.m.: You have to fit in a swimming suit in a few months. And you have at least three weddings this year. And you have a new boyfriend. And you want 9 million new pretty dresses. Time to start working out. You’re going to go to Spin tomorrow morning.
6:30 p.m.: What time is Spin at? Why does this stupid gym have such a stupid website? Oh, wait there it is. It’s at 5 a.m. That means I have to leave here at 4:30 … which means I’ll get up at 4:15 … nah, 4:20, I’ll just wear my gym clothes to bed.
7 p.m.: I should probably go to bed soon. Let’s watch ALL THE YOUTUBE.
8 p.m.: Okay, seriously. Go to bed.
8:45 p.m.: *RING RING* Oh, cool. Thanks whoever you are for texting me.
9 p.m.: OH LOOK. It’s snowing like a mother effer outside. Guess I can’t go to Spin in the morning. I’m sure they’ll cancel it anyway. Can you imagine how mad you’ll be if you get all the way to the gym and they cancel the damn class? Let’s get up at 5:30 instead and workout from home. Yes, you’ll do two workouts to make up for missing Spin.
10 p.m.: Let’s think about everything you’ve ever thought about. That boy you like? Maybe he doesn’t like you. Maybe he does. Why did he do this? Why did he say that? Will this happen? Will that happen?
10:30 p.m.: I’m sick of thinking about boys. OH, remember you have to do this, this, this, this tomorrow at work. Oh, and this. OH and remember your mom is visiting sooooo you should probably clean.
10:35 p.m.: Nah, it’s my mom. She won’t care if I clean. She knows that I don’t clean HAHAHA.
10:45 p.m.: Well, why in the hell hasn’t anyone texted me back?!
11 p.m.: Turn your damn phone on do not disturb, Jessie. YOU’RE STILL GETTING UP AT 5:30.
11:05 p.m.: Let’s just change that alarm to 5:45 …
12 p.m.: OLIVER SHUT UP.
5:45 a.m.: Alarm goes off. WHY DO I DO THIS TO MYSELF.
5:46 a.m.: Play around on Facebook until my phone drops on my face. Why does that always happen?
6 a.m.: Jillian Michaels 30 Day Shred 20-minute HIIT workout
6:30 a.m.: I hate you, Jillian. Fu**. Why did I tell myself I would do two workouts? Oh yeah, because I had two ice cream sandwiches, fat stuff.
6:35 a.m.: Tone It Up Love Your Body HIIT workout
6:55 a.m.: Send my girlfriends a snap chat so I can prove that I actually worked out this morning
7 a.m.: Wow, I feel awesome! Shower, get ready, eat all the things …
7:45 a.m.: Arrive at work
8 a.m.: Fall asleep on top of Spark container of energy goodness
And my assumption for the rest of the day?
A little of this …
And a little of this …
And a whole lot of this …
That, ladies and gentlemen, is how I do “working out”. Same time tomorrow?
Are you a morning workout person? How do you make yourself like working out, honestly?