Seriously, I don’t know how many times I’ve “faked it until I made it”. Some people hate that saying, but I actually really like it. It’s helped me through some times where I wasn’t quite doing great, but I didn’t want to be down all the time. It’s also helped me on the confidence front – it’s amazing how if you tell yourself “I look AWESOME today” even when you don’t necessarily feel that great, you will eventually be like, “Oh hey, I actually do feel pretty awesome today.” It works for me, at least.
Today I’m having one of those days. I woke up this morning on the right side of the bed, put on a dress that hasn’t fit in years, spent some extra time on my make-up and all-in-all was having a pretty fantastic Tuesday morning.
And then, it happened. The wonderful “let’s rain on your happy day parade” email called student loans. My student loan decided to tell me today that in exactly one month from today my payment will not double, but TRIPLE in payment price. That knocked the smile right off of my face for the rest of the afternoon. In fact, I left for lunch (when I’m writing this post) because I thought I was on the verge of a panic attack, which I haven’t had in a really long time.
I don’t know about you, but student loans feel like they’re the bane of my existence. I’m barely making payments (interest-only on my private loans with the devil – also known as Sallie Mae), but my federal loans have always been pretty affordable. Well, apparently they decided that it was time to change that. I feel like I deserve more than a 30-day warning, but whatever. So, I started a new job just a week ago so I would be able to spend some money on myself (oh, you know, maybe buy myself some clothes that aren’t 7-years old like the dress above) and save up for Ireland, but now that money will be going straight toward my student loans. AND my devil loans (Sallie Mae) will be going up to $525/month in 2017 … but I’m not even going to think about that right now.
After a nice little freak out cry, I pulled myself off my couch, ate a healthy lunch (even though I’d rather have chocolate
but now I can’t afford chocolate) and thought about the good things going on in my life. I’m working at a place that I love. My second job seems like it’s going to be more fun than work. I have this wonderful little blog that I’ve made amazing friendships from already. The Packers kept Randall Cobb (though Tramon Williams is gone OMGNO). It’s sunshiney outside. I made my friends laugh telling them about the areas of my body I burned in the tanning booth yesterday (my body doesn’t see daylight EVER). I have the most supportive friends, family and coworkers. I’M GOING TO IRELAND IN SEPTEMBER.
There’s just too much good stuff.
So, nice try, student loan devils. But after years of training myself in “faking it until I make it”, I’ve finally made it. I’m a confident, happy, positive young woman with an excitement for life. I’m intelligent and I’ll figure out this loan debacle. There are people in this world with much bigger problems than me. Yes, sometimes stuff gets me down, but I bounce right back up. And that, my friends, is something I’m very proud of myself for – getting to a place in my life where I can stand tall (well, as tall as I get at 5’1″ ha!) with confidence and happiness, even when I’m not feeling so great.
It’s a good place to be at. One that I’ve worked really hard to get to.
P.S. I’m not trying to boast, please understand that. I’m just proud of myself, which I think women need to talk about more. No shame!
Have you ever had a moment where you’ve faked it until you made it?
Do you have any fun motivational phrases you use to keep yourself going?