Thinking Out Loud #15

Get ready for a ramble on today’s “Thinking Out Loud”. Linking up with Amanda. 🙂

Let’s talk about dating … or the lack-thereof in my case. I was catching up on Twitter this morning and read two slightly contradictory articles/blogs regarding dating. One was very hopeful and romantic, the other was very much like “Nah, I’m done with this dating stuff.” Lately I’ve been falling into the second category.

So the first article I read was this one by Elite Daily, titled: “11 Reasons Why I’m Not Afraid of Being Single, I’m Afraid of Dating” and I was like YES. #mylife

I’m the first one to admit that I want to be in a relationship. I’ve always wanted that. I was a serial dater in high school (if you can even consider that dating) and basically had some sort of boyfriend from like 6th grade on (though my first BF was in 4th grade … we were obviously meant to be). I had a pretty nasty relationship right out of high school that trickled into my sophomore year of college before I finally cut that baggage lose. I was single for about six months (LONG time for me) before I met my longest relationship my junior year of college. He’s basically the guy I moved to Milwaukee for – we dated for four years. We broke up about 2.5 years ago now, and I’ve had lots of dates in between (hello creeper snacks) and a few guys that stuck around for a month or two. While I like to pretend that I just can’t seem to find a guy, I think a lot of it has to do with me being absolutely terrified of dating or putting myself out there. I wear all of my emotions and heart on my sleeve, so I’m pretty careful about who gets to see that part of me.

5534_1114977326361_1584795388_30279697_5611152_n

A lot of the things mentioned in the Elite Daily article are things I worry about constantly when it comes to dating. Things like “I’m not afraid of being cold; I’m afraid of being vulnerable.” or “I’m not afraid of not getting a text; I’m afraid of staring at my phone, waiting for one.” or “I’m not afraid of being alone; I’m afraid of being with someone who makes me feel alone.” Those are all things the resonate with me and that have happened to me … and make me want to take that happy little smile off my face and just pretend boys don’t exist.

How I normally deal with guys when I start to have feelings for them ...

How I normally deal with guys when I start to have feelings for them …

Funny thing, though. Right after I finished reading that, I found this blog post by Just a Trace about never losing hope. I mean, really. Let’s talk about something on the complete opposite side of things. Cat talks about how she just got out of a relationship and how much pain she’s feeling, yet she’s still able to feel hope that she’ll find someone – the right someone. While I’m unlike her in the fact that I’m not surrounded by healthy, long-lasting love and I haven’t really seen great examples close up of wonderful relationships, it’s still something that I want. And I loved reading this blog post because it made me realize that while I’m still afraid of everything mentioned in the other article, I still want to have my “head up and heart open” as she eloquently put it. I love how she is going through a painful time, yet is still able to be so positive about moving forward. It’s something I needed to remind myself, with all the silly pessimistic feelings I’ve had toward relationships recently.

There’s no use in closing myself off because I’m afraid of being hurt again – it’s very possible that I will get hurt again. But there’s also a possibility that I could NOT get hurt.

Cosby

Anyways, that was my random thoughts on dating that I had this morning after reading two articles that resonated with me, though they’re both very different.

Have you ever read something that really got you thinking this week?
What do you think about the two articles I talked about up there?
Think I should continue to be a romantic, or just hunker down in negative-single-nancyville? 🙂

10 comments

  1. Jordyn says:

    Over the past year or so I’ve spent a lot of time thinking about relationships. I’ve done a lot of dating (from the guys you meet at bars to online dating to meeting friends of friends) and most of my experiences have led to the same conclusions “guys are stupid”, “guys are selfish”, “guys are shallow and superficial”. Even the guys who were seemingly nice and had their lives of ether would let me down in some way or another (so sweet to see you’re on ok Cupid in the middle of conversation at our dinner date…). The point is guys ARE stupid and you have every right to be scared and cynical. I’ve had so many bad dates-some humorous bad and some just actually sad bad but at the end of the day none of those matter to me anymore. I can look back and feel grateful for those experiences and all that they taught me because I am now with someone who truly values me as a human and cares about my best interest. No matter if my current relationship lasts forever or needs tomorrow I will be so grateful I continued to put myself out there for bad guys because putting myself out there for bad guys taught me the lessons and gave me the experience I needed to recognize and appreciate a good guy.

    Obviously this is all just my perspective but I say put your heart out there-you will get hurt sometimes but it’s absoloutely worth it. What is the saying? Follow your heart but take yor brain with you!
    Jordyn recently posted…Couldn’t be HappierMy Profile

    • Jessie says:

      Totally with you, lady. I have met some pretty great guys, but I feel like as soon as I have feelings for one they disappear or I can’t figure out if they feel the same. I’m trying really hard to just take things as they come and hope for the best. But yes, I’ve learned a lot from all of the guys I’ve seen. At the same time, it’s hard not to think “Is there ever going to be one that isn’t like this?” We’ll see! I’m with you, though. As much as I can be cynical and tell my brain that I’m going to just forget about someone, my heart wins over every time. So I can try all I want to be negative about it, but that’s just not who I am!

  2. Katie says:

    I am not a “romantic” person. I’m farrrr tooo sarcastic for that label. Also, I’ve figured out almost every “surprise” a boyfriend has attempted to do far before it has actually happened. I really ought to learn to fake being surprised.

    That being said, I’m more in the positive camp than the negative nancy camp. #6 of the first post was the best, the wasting time. I am more than willing to do things with people, and fine its the vague “get a drink” where you pay for your own. But I’ve met up with a guy 3 times in last three months, and every darn time its because I reach out. And for now I’m holding back and not contacting him until he contacts me. Because I don’t want to set the habit that I’m the one doing all the work. If something comes up and literally none of my friends can meet me, maybe I’d reach out again, but for now I’m fine with him thinking of me as “the one who got away” haha.
    Katie recently posted…Pinned it, Spinned it: Bacon is Better than Basil.My Profile

    • Jessie says:

      Haha! Yes, definitely gotta learn the fake being surprised skill. 😉 It’ll help you out. I’ve been in similar situations as you and it’s hard to just stop asking them to do things because you WANT to see them, but at the same time you WANT them to WANT to see you. <-- Maybe that's why guys are confused with me 😉

  3. Amanda @ .running with spoons. says:

    Really loved that article. Dating is terrifying and uncomfortable… especially in the early stages. I’m not really someone who has an easy time getting attached to other people, so it’s actually pretty hard for me to find someone that I click with… especially now that I’m older and “all the good ones are taken.” 😆 That’s not to say that I’m cynical and jaded, though. If it happens, it happens. I’ll meet the right guy when the time is right. If not? Then I’m perfectly comfortable with being by myself. I think it’s all about finding things in your life that make you feel fulfilled. Sometimes that includes another person. And sometimes not.
    Amanda @ .running with spoons. recently posted…. thinking out loud #132 .My Profile

    • Jessie says:

      So true, Amanda! I think if your life’s happiness should never depend on another person. I’ve done that before, and that’s something I never want to do again. I think when you have your own passions and your own fulfillment, it’s much better. I definitely would prefer to find “someone” – I’m a relationship girl by nature … but I’m still just fine on my own. I guess I’ve just got to learn to be more of a “enjoy the ride” type girl, instead of the “what does all of this mean?!” type girl 😉

  4. Megan says:

    I’m probably not the right person to be commenting on this but the articles reminded me of my single days. I’ve been with Curtis for about 4 1/2 years now & we ended up getting together when I truly wasn’t looking for anyone. In fact, I had been single for almost 2 years before we started dating! I mainly just “talked” to guys during that time & wasn’t even worried about finding someone. Sure, it was a bummer when I would meet a loser or if it was a guy I liked but it never worked out. But.. you just gotta keep your head up & keep going!

    • Jessie says:

      No, no. I think you definitely have a point! Before this “single time” I was in a four year relationship and I feel like I would’ve said the same thing as you! I think I just get a little too much in my head sometimes and get worried about things I can’t control. These two articles really got me thinking!

  5. Jenni says:

    Jessie,

    I think sometimes you can just meet someone without ever planning it, who you will want to spend the rest of your life with.

    It just happens.

    Some of my girl friends, who are single again for one reason or another, have found someone through social activities such as hobbies etc.

    They weren’t planning on it assuming that they would be single the rest of there days

    • Jessie says:

      Totally agree, Jenni! I’ve met quite a few people via online dating, but the guys I’ve me that I really wanted to spend time with were people I met when I was at something I enjoy (like an event for work or hockey games or something like that). Thanks for the thoughtful comment! 🙂

Comments are closed.