I’m a dreamer

I’m going to *try* (emphasis on the word try) not to make this post a rambling one, but … well, it’s Thinking Out Loud time with Amanda so I feel like I’m allowed to. 😉

Okay, so based on the title you might know where I’m going with this, but I’m kind of a dreamer. LIES. I am TOTALLY a dreamer. The only problem with that is that I’m a negative nancy, too, so I tend to knock down my own dreams before I start them.


For example, I’ve wanted to move to California since I first visited there in 2009. I fell in absolute love, but I’ve never truly tried to get out there. Sure, I applied for some jobs here and there at huge companies like Facebook and Twitter where EVERYONE applies, but I never truly tried. Because I’m afraid of failing, so I don’t even try. HOW DOES THAT MAKE SENSE?!


So, my sister got me hooked on watching YouTube videos starting with the CTFxC a little over two years ago and I’ve grown to subscribing to over 50 channels on the YouTubes. I mainly watch vlogs, fitness and beauty channels, but I’m known to get sucked into all kinds of other things. I just love it. No Netflix for me. I rarely watch television (which is good because I don’t have cable anymore).

After watching videos for over a year, I started getting this weird feeling like I should start a channel, but kept pushing it to the back of my head. Who would want to watch me? I don’t have a good camera. I don’t even know what I’d talk about. Would people find me relateable? Would they find me funny? If they do find me, will they make fun of me? But some of my friends roll their eyes at me when I bring it up, so maybe it’s a dumb idea.

See how every single one of those thoughts up there is negative? 

So after a year of convincing myself that I wasn’t good enough (and a year of my sister telling me that I was) I put up my first video last week and actually had a few comments of people telling me they liked my stuff! Granted, a few of them were there just looking for subscribers, but others really enjoyed it. And you know what’s most important?

I enjoyed making it. I enjoyed editing it. I thought I was funny. I was excited.

Today I put up my second ever YouTube video and had even more fun than before. I didn’t edit out as much stuff, I made a graphic for it and I was excited to finally get it up. If you’re into the YouTube thing (or just LOVE ME) you can check it out below.

And you know what? I’m proud of me. GOOD JOB, ME! Am I still afraid of all those negative things I said a few paragraphs up? Oh HELLS yes. But it’s something I’ve wanted to try for forever – almost a visual extension of this blog here – and I’m so happy I did. Maybe people will like me and start to follow me, or maybe they won’t. Maybe I’ll start to hate it and quit. Or maybe I’ll love it and keep on doin’ it for a fun little outlet from the craziness of life.

I’m just happy that I pushed the negative thoughts aside and took a leap of faith. Maybe this is the start of a new way of thinking for me. I have all this excitement – maybe I’ll even let a guy take me on a date!




Thanks for reading! Do you ever struggle with negative thoughts that hold you back from something?



  1. Katie says:

    I’m not a youtube watcher, I’m just starting to get into podcasts, but I only like them if they are at least half an hour, preferably an hour.

    I’m on a negative streak this past week and trying to kick it. But part of me knows that this is a normal fluctuation, and it will get better, just maybe not at the snap of my fingers.
    Katie recently posted…July 2015 RecapMy Profile

    • Jessie says:

      Oh man! I’m the opposite. Never got into podcasts – I can’t listen to something that long, my mind starts wandering. I hope your negative streak turns into a positive one! 🙂

  2. Megan says:

    So, moving halfway across the country is a pretty big thing so I think it’s perfectly fine to be a little apprehensive! I also give you props for doing YouTube! It’s so weird to see/hear myself on video so I’d be paranoid about posting something. I’d also never seen a grocery haul video before & thought it was good!

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