Do you know where it went? My motivation? Sanity? Any of that?
In fact, do you even remember me? Hi, I’m Jessie and I used to blog all the time (I’m rolling my eyes at myself right now).
I have been the captain of my own struggle bus the past couple of weeks (or probably months, to be honest). I’ve gone through bouts of not sleeping, being depressed, loneliness, the whole nine-yards. Usually that happens to me this time of year for a few weeks, but I’m pretty good at pulling myself out of it. For some reason, I’m having a harder time this year.
You see, I’m feeling a little stuck which is a feeling I don’t do so well with. Anytime I feel like I’m stuck somewhere or something in that nature, I start to get all fidgety. I was worried this would happen moving back to Green Bay after living away and completely on my own for so long and well, I was right. I’m surrounded by a lot of negativity and that’s something I worked really hard to flush out of my life a few years ago.
P.S. This post is going to be full of fun motivational quotes because I lovvvvvve them.
I was watching a video by Brittany Dawn the other day (a fitness/inspirational YouTuber that I adore) and she talked about how she finally started letting people, things and places go that were bringing her down and not supporting her and that really motivated me to get going.
Or at least to think about it since my motivation seems to come to me at 10 p.m. at night and then it’s gone when I wake up. But I’m TRYING.
I went through a period a few years ago right after I broke off a four-year relationship where I had to try to “find myself” and I worked really hard at that. I feel like the last few months I’m back feeling like I’ve lost myself again – or at least I’ve lost some of my self confidence and drive for life that I’ve always had. And I want that back!
My motivation for working out is basically out the window and it’s hard to pick back up. In the summertime before I got sick in August, I was working out every day, loving the results and loving the way I was feeling. I want that back!
I also have been struggling with loneliness. Not in the boyfriend way, but in the friend way. I think I’ve gotten to a difficult point in my life where some friends start to disappear or I start to cut out the people that may not be good for me. I was worried when I moved back here that I’d struggle missing my friends in Milwaukee and unfortunately those friendships have pretty much all but fizzled out. There’s only so many times you can text someone without a response for days or get canceled on that you can handle. And the friends I had in Green Bay are still a little bit more into the party life than I’d like to be, so those friendships seem to have fizzled out as well. That’s just life, but it’s definitely made it even harder to be living up here in the middle of nowhere. Thank God for my sister otherwise I’d be going crazy!
One thing that’s really been sticking in my mind is that it’s a great time to just get up and go somewhere. I’m still young and really don’t have anything holding me anywhere. I’ve had Colorado stuck in my brain for years, but it could be anywhere! Money is the only thing that makes me nervous with that, but I don’t want to look back at my life and be sad I didn’t try out something new. And be mad at myself for being a little chicken shit.
It’s scary to want your dreams to come true sometimes. I mean, you can dream all you want, but what if those dreams come true? What if it doesn’t work out the way you’d like it to? Oh, but what if it DOES work out the way you want it? That’s almost scarier.
So here’s me, putting myself out there on the internets again trying to push myself outside of my comfort zone. It’s a realllllllly hard place to leave, you know! But I’m going to continue to push myself out of it, inch by inch. Maybe I’ll meet some friends. Maybe I’ll get a dog (OMGPLEASE). Maybe I’ll find a job that makes me feel financially secure. Maybe I’ll find my passion. Maybe I’ll find myself. I lost her and I’d like her back. 🙂
Thanks for listening to my ramblings today! And I’m going to try to get back into the swing of things here on my blog and YouTube channel. I miss it so very much.
How do you get yourself motivated? How have you gotten yourself out of your comfort zone? I need all the help I can get!